In the last 3 blogs, I've been talking about the benefits I received from Executive Coaching over nearly three decades. I've written about the psyche-saving gift of "the paid ear"--an experienced, knowledgeable fellow-professional, outside of the organization with the ability to "listen extremely." I described listening extremely as the ultimate ability to give 1000% attention to another person without judgment or time spent trying to figure out how to respond. Extreme listening also requires listening, not only to understand, but to look for connections and what is not said. Those with this skill are a rare breed indeed. Once found, however, can be the ultimate gift.
In the second blog, I described the value of personal accountability--that is, the coach--with my permission--holds me accountable for the actions I have decided I want to do. This is another vital aspect of executive coaching. When one gets to the level of CEO, only Board members hold the CEO accountable (or at least that's what they're supposed to do)--and that is for achieving the broader goals of the organization. The coach helps the executive be accountable both for concrete goals and for process goals--the tool by which the concrete goals get accomplished.
Next I spoke about the critical nature of candid, caring feedback. Here is another rarity in the life of a CEO. Boards are often fearful of giving feedback to their executive. Some Boards are not caring and give plenty of feedback, mostly negative. What is growth-inducing is objective feedback provided in an atmosphere that creates emotional safety--the only way anyone can hear criticism as an opportunity to move closer to personal excellence.
In the blog about feedback, I mentioned the use of the "360 evaluation" or multi-rater feedback--and what a gift it can be when done correctly. Today I want to talk a little about the 360's I have been part of and offer some observations that might be useful to others considering giving or receiving a 360. (A growing number of organizations are making the 360 mandatory.)
Over the years, I have been evaluated by multiple people and in multiple ways. The best requires a repetition of what I said earlier: the only way that people benefit from evaluation, i.e., feedback about your performance, is when it is objective, nonpersonal (i.e., a critique of your work, not of you as a person) and provided in an atmosphere of emotional safety.
Not all of mine were done that way. The ones that were changed my life--or at least the way I managed my life. However, there were some that made me change not only my behavior but my perceptions and my attitude.
One in particular stands out and still makes me uncomfortable to think about. I was a very young graduate student with a placement in an inner city health department. Looking back, I must have been a total pain to be around because I knew everything there was to know about anything. Arrogance is way too mild a term.
On my second day of this internship, I was asked to draft a letter to the director describing a project that had been assigned to me. After writing it out by hand, I gave it to the elderly secretary to type for me. When I read her typed letter, I exploded. There were four typos, including the spelling of the name of the director! I stomped down the hall to her office and read her the riot act in front of three other secretaries. I'm still too embarrassed to repeat my exact words.
Five minutes later, a loud voice called out, "Mrs. Nelson. In my office. Now." It was my supervisor who it was rumored, "ate ground glass for breakfast." I assumed everyone was exaggerating because she had been very cordial to me. However, I hotfooted it to her office. Without looking up from the papers on her desk, she said, "come in and sit down."
After what seemed like hours, she looked up and said, "Were you thinking of graduating? she asked in a flat tone, her face like stone.
"Well, of course," I said.
"Well," she said. "That's not going to happen--Unless you make some dramatic changes in your behavior. If I ever hear you talk to anyone again like you did to Mrs. V. just now, I will see to it that you don't graduate from this school or any other. Is that clear?"
When I didn't respond immediately, she repeated herself. "I said, 'is that clear?'"
Too stunned to think straight, I stammered a "yyyyes" to which she replied, "Good. Now go home. Think about this incident and tomorrow by 8 a.m., I want your plan of correction on my desk. And, a formal apology to Mrs. V. By the way, did you know that she was diagnosed with cancer two days ago? Or that she is the sole caretaker for her quadriplegic son?"
When I started to reply, she said with disgust, "Just go home," and went back to her papers.
To this day, when I get annoyed with anyone, I can hear that supervisor's voice in my ear and I re-experience the shame I felt that day. To my knowledge, I have never spoken to a fellow employee like that since that day.
What crucial lesson did I learn? First, that basic respect is the real bottom line. And second, that the absolute key to being an effective manager and leader is positive relationships. Peter Drucker said it best: "A manager's job is relationships--upwards, downwards and sideways."
P.S. After receiving my diploma two years later, the first ones to greet me with hugs and flowers were my supervisor and Mrs. V.
What lessons have you learned along the way? I would love to hear from you. If you're interested in purchasing my new book, "Leading the Way to Success," with my distinguished co-authors including Warren Bennis, Jack Canfield of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" fame and James Kouzes, email Orders@coachjudynelson.com. To learn more about the book and my coaching practice, go to http://www.coachjudynelson.com/. To see my videos on management, leadership and executive coaching, try www.youtube.com/coachjudynelson. And, to listen to some exciting interviews about "Leading the Way to Success," check out blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson and click on "Archived Segments."
Thanks for reading!
Best,
Judy
Judy Nelson JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
877.937.5839 (877. yesJudy)
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