I've been talking about how to deal with the Underperforming Manager. Last time I emphasized the need to be direct about the problem and that it is essential to make certain that the manager in question actually knows there is a problem, specifically what it is and the clear, measurable steps needed to correct the problem.
Perhaps the most basic question at this point is, what do you do or say once you have them in your office?
First of all, maybe your office isn't the best place to have the conversation. Let's look at what you're trying to accomplish. Your absolute first goal must be, "Make It Safe." In order to hear feedback that is negative (and sometimes positive!,) the manager must feel emotionally safe enough to be able to hear what is being said.
We've all been in stressful situations where afterwards, we can't remember a thing that was said to us. That conversation with a doc about a serious diagnosis, the time a teacher corrected you in front of the whole class or the time as a child when you were caught doing something you shouldn't. To fully understand this concept, it helps to think about reptiles or at least what is known as the "reptillian brain." In high school biology, we all learned about the basic, primitive response of all mammals for flight or fight when under stress. In nonscientific terms, what actually happens is that when we are under a real or perceived threat, our bodies prepare us for survival, i.e., either fight and destroy the aggressor or run for your life. When the stress is perceived, the first thing that happens for us as it did for dinosaurs, is a flood of adrenaline--the juice that fuels our ability to attack or take off. The rush of adrenaline triggers the brain to increase blood flow to our big muscles or arms and legs to be ready for either fight or flight.
Where does the extra blood come from? It leaves the brain to go to the most needy site. I repeat, it leaves the brain. The rest is obvious. When we perceive a threat, real or imagined, we have less blood in the place we need the most: the brain. Thus those blank moments, the stutter, the inability to express ourselves and the panic. What do we do? We either get withdraw and say nothing, or we become angry, verbally attack, fling wicked sarcasm or cast aspersions on someone's mother. Result? Disaster, in our marriages, our relatonships with our children and in our jobs.
I will elaborate on this further in the future because it is such a critical concept for all relationships in every aspect of our lives. The good news is that disaster is not inevitable. Our reptillian brains have evolved and developed the capacity for reason. And we do have control, if we consciously choose to.
How? To grossly simplify an extremely complex process, we do what our moms constantly told us. "Stop and think before you speak." She also said that when you cross the street, "stop, look and listen." Boy, were our moms smart! She had the formula for the most complicated and critical aspect of building and maintaining relationships--the essence of effective management and leadership.
What is that? 1. Stop. Recognize the signals your body is giving you that you are under stress and put your hand over your mouth. Figuratively, of course. Literally if you must. 2. Look. Examine the situation. What is happening? What assumptions are you making? What is happening with the other person? 3. Listen. What is the other person trying to say? What is your brain telling you (self talk) that may be true or not true. (If being reprimanded, is it possible that you were wrong?) and then there is the 4th one that Mom didn't include but probably just assumed we knew! 4. Ask. Ask yourself questions to start that blood flowing back to your brain? "What can I do to avoid disaster here?" "What am I missing?" "What are my options?" And most basic of all, "What do I really want from this relationship?"
The answer to the basic question of what do I really want from this relationship? Well, if it's a marriage and you want to stay married and have a happier marriage, there's your answer. Will the sarcasm, angry retorts or aspersions help you toward that goal? Again, the answer is clear.
If it's your boss, the answer should also be apparent. Most of us want to keep our jobs, get better at what we do and have a harmonious relationship with our boss. The same is true with our coworkers. It's even true for that stupid teller who screwed up your account. What do you really want? You want a good relationship with the bank so that you can get the services you need. Yelling at the teller may feel good for the moment but does it get you what you really want? And, is that the kind of person you want to be?
When it comes to your underperforming manager, ask yourself what you really want? Isn't it improved performance? Are you going to get that by yelling at the person, or attacking their character? Of course not. How will you get them to work harder and smarter? Through safe conversations or dialogues that allow the individual to join with you in thinking about what is needed to make the change. Of course, there's more to it than that. But without that safe conversation--or rather, series of safe conversations--you will get zero improvement. You might even get worse performance because of the negative emotions you have stirred up.
To summarize, before you meet with that manager, you have a whole lot of self reflection to do. Since having a frank conversation with a direct report stirs up some stress for you, what is your reaction to stress? How do you normally react when your chain is pulled or you feel anxious. Start to anticipate those emotions and behaviors and start training yourself to react in a more effective way. How? Stop. Look. Listen. Ask.
Is this done over night? Of course, not. What it takes is also what mom told you when you were attempting something new: practice, practice, practice. The same is true when you are trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. True, it feels a little silly at times, because what you're doing is talking to yourself. The fact is that you always talk to yourself. What do you call it? Your inner voice? self talk? interior dialogue? The Critic? Whatever your name for it, we all have a running script in our heads. If left alone, it will continue to pour out the negatives. And you will continue to act on them. "What you think is what you do." Can't remember offhand who said that, but our growing knowledge of how the brain works, makes that a scientifically-proven statement.
We'll continue this discussion of how to improve the performance of the underperforming manager. Think about all the implications and let me know your experience and thoughts.
Best,
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
Thursday, July 3, 2008
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