Saturday, February 14, 2009
Leadership Traits: An Executive Coach Listens
Choosing the right parents may be a key strategy for leadership! On my web radio talk show this morning, Wendy Lazarus, founder and Co-President of The Children's Partnership discussed the important impact her parents had on who she is and what she has accomplished. She is the second guest in a row and one of many who attribute the environment they grew up in as key to their success.
Wendy said that her parents instilled two critical values in her: one was that she was put on this earth to worry about more than just herself; and second, that she could do anything she wanted to do.
Thinking back on my own upbringing (which was, admittedly, a tad unusual) I received a slightly different message. That was that I could BE anything I wanted to be--as long as it was a lawyer--or at the very least a master's degree in something related. I saw my mother volunteering and helping others as a way of life so I had a role model there. But being what you wanted to be and doing what you wanted to do seem to me to be two very different notions.
When I asked her what was the most memorable moment of her growing up years, she spoke about the time her father, a successful businessman in retail, decided to get involved in a community project to help people get jobs. Wendy, a 9th grader at the time, told her dad that she wanted to help. He said that she was a little young and underqualified but he'd see what he could do. Then he gave her the assignment of cold calling a long list of people to invite to participate in the project. With excitement in her voice, Wendy said that she absolutely loved the experience of people responding to her in this way and that she was actually helping them. Equally or possibly more important was the sense of pride that her father would entrust her with this important responsibility. She said that it was probably the turning point that sent her in the direction of becoming a powerful force for good.
Wendy Lazarus has been more than a powerful force for good in the world. She started right out of graduate school when she was hired by Marian Wright Edelman, founder of The Children's Defense Fund. That was followed by her energetic work with Children Now to promote health care for children. And today with The Children's Partnership, she focuses both on health care and making technology accessible for "children at risk of being left behind."
So much of what Wendy believes is integral to effective leadership is incorporated in my philosophy both in executive coaching and in leadership training. It's always exciting to talk with someone who agrees with you!
It was a joy to interview this dynamic, creative dynamo with such a wonderful sense of purpose and humor.
www.coachjudynelson.com
Wendy Lazarus, The Children's Partnership: An Executive Leader Who Models Effective Leadership
Wendy Lazarus is a "warrior" for kids. The Children's Partnership, an organization she founded and is co-president of, is her weapon and she uses it with skill and aplomb. The target? The broad targeet is children at risk of being left behind, according to the organization's mission. 
The strategies in this ambitious battle include focusing on the availability of the basics for kids: health care, education and technology. You can hear my fun interview with Wendy on my website, www.CoachJudyNelson.com and also on this site. I guarantee you will learn a lot about leadership, about children's issues and about a passionate and highly effective advocate for children.
Next week I on blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson, I will be speaking with Tammy McCleod, Chief Customer Officer for Arizona Public Service--another executive with well-honed leadership qualities and a vision for the future.
For information on why you can't afford NOT to have a coach during these difficult times, visit my website, www.coachjudynelson.com or call me, 877.yesJudy.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
www.coachjudynelson.com
The strategies in this ambitious battle include focusing on the availability of the basics for kids: health care, education and technology. You can hear my fun interview with Wendy on my website, www.CoachJudyNelson.com and also on this site. I guarantee you will learn a lot about leadership, about children's issues and about a passionate and highly effective advocate for children.
Next week I on blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson, I will be speaking with Tammy McCleod, Chief Customer Officer for Arizona Public Service--another executive with well-honed leadership qualities and a vision for the future.
For information on why you can't afford NOT to have a coach during these difficult times, visit my website, www.coachjudynelson.com or call me, 877.yesJudy.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
www.coachjudynelson.com
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Personal Coaching Client reveals "The Most Important Things I learned Thus Far..."
As an Executive Coach, I have become both a teacher and hopefully, a successful practitioner of the art and science of Feedback. However, it's rare for most coaches to receive unsolicited feedback in written form from a client.
Sara (not her real name) wrote to me this morning about "The Most Important Things I Learned Thus Far...," describing the insights she developed over the first year of our coaching relationship. I want to thank her for this thoughtful and unusual gift.
In this series, I will explore each item on her list in depth, to comment and expand on her thinking. The embellishments will be mine alone. The goal is to give others an unusual look into the world of personal coaching and what can be gained.
Below is the list she provided: (To protect her confidentiality, I have changed identifying information.)
The next article will start with far from original but important idea of "be interested rather than trying to be interesting."
Until next time,
Judy
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://coachjudynelson.com/
To order your advanced copy of my new book, "Leading the Way to Success," with co-authors Jack Canfield, James Kouzes and Warren Bennis: orders@coachjudynelson.com.
Check out this brief video about Executive Coaching or the others on my website.
Sara (not her real name) wrote to me this morning about "The Most Important Things I Learned Thus Far...," describing the insights she developed over the first year of our coaching relationship. I want to thank her for this thoughtful and unusual gift.
In this series, I will explore each item on her list in depth, to comment and expand on her thinking. The embellishments will be mine alone. The goal is to give others an unusual look into the world of personal coaching and what can be gained.
Below is the list she provided: (To protect her confidentiality, I have changed identifying information.)
The Most Important Things I Learned Thus Far From Judy
- Be interested rather than trying to be interesting.
- “Small Talk” is really “Big Talk” that is important to the needs of relationships.
- When we get a negative response from someone it usually isn’t “about us.”
- Stress makes people stupid.
- Be gracious at work at all times.
- Making a “stupid mistake” doesn’t mean that I’m a “stupid person.”
- I may be intimidating to some people by my tone of voice and formality. I need to make a point of being less formal.
- “Dress-down day at work doesn’t mean dressing like I’m going to be working in the garden.
- I can soften my appearance by mixing and matching outfits rather than wearing suits everyday.
- (I could also wear makeup every day but don’t want to bother with it!)
- Meditation is a good way to relax and rejuvenate. (Unfortunately I stopped when I got the puppy.)
- Using a labeler and keeping files in order is extremely helpful.
- It would be good to compliment people when they do a good job, just as many people are doing to me here.
- The goal of calling a [a prospect] is simply to find out if there is a match.
- If someone I call ... is unpleasant, it isn’t about me because they don’t know me.
- View Vice Presidents or wealthy people ... as being like our Vice President or my millionaire friend...
- I should just tell myself before a call to [a new prospect] that even though I may feel very intimidated, once I get into the call I usually relax and do very well.
Most Important Ones Are #1 and #2.
Footnote from Judy: I am pleased to report that Sara has "graduated" from coaching and decided to take a break--"because I learned what I set out to do." However, I am on call to her for emergencies and she indicated that she may want a "refresher" sometime down the road. The next article will start with far from original but important idea of "be interested rather than trying to be interesting."
Until next time,
Judy
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://coachjudynelson.com/
To order your advanced copy of my new book, "Leading the Way to Success," with co-authors Jack Canfield, James Kouzes and Warren Bennis: orders@coachjudynelson.com.
Check out this brief video about Executive Coaching or the others on my website.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Managing the Underperforming Manager, cont'd
I've been talking about how to deal with the Underperforming Manager. Last time I emphasized the need to be direct about the problem and that it is essential to make certain that the manager in question actually knows there is a problem, specifically what it is and the clear, measurable steps needed to correct the problem.
Perhaps the most basic question at this point is, what do you do or say once you have them in your office?
First of all, maybe your office isn't the best place to have the conversation. Let's look at what you're trying to accomplish. Your absolute first goal must be, "Make It Safe." In order to hear feedback that is negative (and sometimes positive!,) the manager must feel emotionally safe enough to be able to hear what is being said.
We've all been in stressful situations where afterwards, we can't remember a thing that was said to us. That conversation with a doc about a serious diagnosis, the time a teacher corrected you in front of the whole class or the time as a child when you were caught doing something you shouldn't. To fully understand this concept, it helps to think about reptiles or at least what is known as the "reptillian brain." In high school biology, we all learned about the basic, primitive response of all mammals for flight or fight when under stress. In nonscientific terms, what actually happens is that when we are under a real or perceived threat, our bodies prepare us for survival, i.e., either fight and destroy the aggressor or run for your life. When the stress is perceived, the first thing that happens for us as it did for dinosaurs, is a flood of adrenaline--the juice that fuels our ability to attack or take off. The rush of adrenaline triggers the brain to increase blood flow to our big muscles or arms and legs to be ready for either fight or flight.
Where does the extra blood come from? It leaves the brain to go to the most needy site. I repeat, it leaves the brain. The rest is obvious. When we perceive a threat, real or imagined, we have less blood in the place we need the most: the brain. Thus those blank moments, the stutter, the inability to express ourselves and the panic. What do we do? We either get withdraw and say nothing, or we become angry, verbally attack, fling wicked sarcasm or cast aspersions on someone's mother. Result? Disaster, in our marriages, our relatonships with our children and in our jobs.
I will elaborate on this further in the future because it is such a critical concept for all relationships in every aspect of our lives. The good news is that disaster is not inevitable. Our reptillian brains have evolved and developed the capacity for reason. And we do have control, if we consciously choose to.
How? To grossly simplify an extremely complex process, we do what our moms constantly told us. "Stop and think before you speak." She also said that when you cross the street, "stop, look and listen." Boy, were our moms smart! She had the formula for the most complicated and critical aspect of building and maintaining relationships--the essence of effective management and leadership.
What is that? 1. Stop. Recognize the signals your body is giving you that you are under stress and put your hand over your mouth. Figuratively, of course. Literally if you must. 2. Look. Examine the situation. What is happening? What assumptions are you making? What is happening with the other person? 3. Listen. What is the other person trying to say? What is your brain telling you (self talk) that may be true or not true. (If being reprimanded, is it possible that you were wrong?) and then there is the 4th one that Mom didn't include but probably just assumed we knew! 4. Ask. Ask yourself questions to start that blood flowing back to your brain? "What can I do to avoid disaster here?" "What am I missing?" "What are my options?" And most basic of all, "What do I really want from this relationship?"
The answer to the basic question of what do I really want from this relationship? Well, if it's a marriage and you want to stay married and have a happier marriage, there's your answer. Will the sarcasm, angry retorts or aspersions help you toward that goal? Again, the answer is clear.
If it's your boss, the answer should also be apparent. Most of us want to keep our jobs, get better at what we do and have a harmonious relationship with our boss. The same is true with our coworkers. It's even true for that stupid teller who screwed up your account. What do you really want? You want a good relationship with the bank so that you can get the services you need. Yelling at the teller may feel good for the moment but does it get you what you really want? And, is that the kind of person you want to be?
When it comes to your underperforming manager, ask yourself what you really want? Isn't it improved performance? Are you going to get that by yelling at the person, or attacking their character? Of course not. How will you get them to work harder and smarter? Through safe conversations or dialogues that allow the individual to join with you in thinking about what is needed to make the change. Of course, there's more to it than that. But without that safe conversation--or rather, series of safe conversations--you will get zero improvement. You might even get worse performance because of the negative emotions you have stirred up.
To summarize, before you meet with that manager, you have a whole lot of self reflection to do. Since having a frank conversation with a direct report stirs up some stress for you, what is your reaction to stress? How do you normally react when your chain is pulled or you feel anxious. Start to anticipate those emotions and behaviors and start training yourself to react in a more effective way. How? Stop. Look. Listen. Ask.
Is this done over night? Of course, not. What it takes is also what mom told you when you were attempting something new: practice, practice, practice. The same is true when you are trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. True, it feels a little silly at times, because what you're doing is talking to yourself. The fact is that you always talk to yourself. What do you call it? Your inner voice? self talk? interior dialogue? The Critic? Whatever your name for it, we all have a running script in our heads. If left alone, it will continue to pour out the negatives. And you will continue to act on them. "What you think is what you do." Can't remember offhand who said that, but our growing knowledge of how the brain works, makes that a scientifically-proven statement.
We'll continue this discussion of how to improve the performance of the underperforming manager. Think about all the implications and let me know your experience and thoughts.
Best,
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
Perhaps the most basic question at this point is, what do you do or say once you have them in your office?
First of all, maybe your office isn't the best place to have the conversation. Let's look at what you're trying to accomplish. Your absolute first goal must be, "Make It Safe." In order to hear feedback that is negative (and sometimes positive!,) the manager must feel emotionally safe enough to be able to hear what is being said.
We've all been in stressful situations where afterwards, we can't remember a thing that was said to us. That conversation with a doc about a serious diagnosis, the time a teacher corrected you in front of the whole class or the time as a child when you were caught doing something you shouldn't. To fully understand this concept, it helps to think about reptiles or at least what is known as the "reptillian brain." In high school biology, we all learned about the basic, primitive response of all mammals for flight or fight when under stress. In nonscientific terms, what actually happens is that when we are under a real or perceived threat, our bodies prepare us for survival, i.e., either fight and destroy the aggressor or run for your life. When the stress is perceived, the first thing that happens for us as it did for dinosaurs, is a flood of adrenaline--the juice that fuels our ability to attack or take off. The rush of adrenaline triggers the brain to increase blood flow to our big muscles or arms and legs to be ready for either fight or flight.
Where does the extra blood come from? It leaves the brain to go to the most needy site. I repeat, it leaves the brain. The rest is obvious. When we perceive a threat, real or imagined, we have less blood in the place we need the most: the brain. Thus those blank moments, the stutter, the inability to express ourselves and the panic. What do we do? We either get withdraw and say nothing, or we become angry, verbally attack, fling wicked sarcasm or cast aspersions on someone's mother. Result? Disaster, in our marriages, our relatonships with our children and in our jobs.
I will elaborate on this further in the future because it is such a critical concept for all relationships in every aspect of our lives. The good news is that disaster is not inevitable. Our reptillian brains have evolved and developed the capacity for reason. And we do have control, if we consciously choose to.
How? To grossly simplify an extremely complex process, we do what our moms constantly told us. "Stop and think before you speak." She also said that when you cross the street, "stop, look and listen." Boy, were our moms smart! She had the formula for the most complicated and critical aspect of building and maintaining relationships--the essence of effective management and leadership.
What is that? 1. Stop. Recognize the signals your body is giving you that you are under stress and put your hand over your mouth. Figuratively, of course. Literally if you must. 2. Look. Examine the situation. What is happening? What assumptions are you making? What is happening with the other person? 3. Listen. What is the other person trying to say? What is your brain telling you (self talk) that may be true or not true. (If being reprimanded, is it possible that you were wrong?) and then there is the 4th one that Mom didn't include but probably just assumed we knew! 4. Ask. Ask yourself questions to start that blood flowing back to your brain? "What can I do to avoid disaster here?" "What am I missing?" "What are my options?" And most basic of all, "What do I really want from this relationship?"
The answer to the basic question of what do I really want from this relationship? Well, if it's a marriage and you want to stay married and have a happier marriage, there's your answer. Will the sarcasm, angry retorts or aspersions help you toward that goal? Again, the answer is clear.
If it's your boss, the answer should also be apparent. Most of us want to keep our jobs, get better at what we do and have a harmonious relationship with our boss. The same is true with our coworkers. It's even true for that stupid teller who screwed up your account. What do you really want? You want a good relationship with the bank so that you can get the services you need. Yelling at the teller may feel good for the moment but does it get you what you really want? And, is that the kind of person you want to be?
When it comes to your underperforming manager, ask yourself what you really want? Isn't it improved performance? Are you going to get that by yelling at the person, or attacking their character? Of course not. How will you get them to work harder and smarter? Through safe conversations or dialogues that allow the individual to join with you in thinking about what is needed to make the change. Of course, there's more to it than that. But without that safe conversation--or rather, series of safe conversations--you will get zero improvement. You might even get worse performance because of the negative emotions you have stirred up.
To summarize, before you meet with that manager, you have a whole lot of self reflection to do. Since having a frank conversation with a direct report stirs up some stress for you, what is your reaction to stress? How do you normally react when your chain is pulled or you feel anxious. Start to anticipate those emotions and behaviors and start training yourself to react in a more effective way. How? Stop. Look. Listen. Ask.
Is this done over night? Of course, not. What it takes is also what mom told you when you were attempting something new: practice, practice, practice. The same is true when you are trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. True, it feels a little silly at times, because what you're doing is talking to yourself. The fact is that you always talk to yourself. What do you call it? Your inner voice? self talk? interior dialogue? The Critic? Whatever your name for it, we all have a running script in our heads. If left alone, it will continue to pour out the negatives. And you will continue to act on them. "What you think is what you do." Can't remember offhand who said that, but our growing knowledge of how the brain works, makes that a scientifically-proven statement.
We'll continue this discussion of how to improve the performance of the underperforming manager. Think about all the implications and let me know your experience and thoughts.
Best,
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
New video: Managing the Underperforming Manager
"Managing the Underperforming Manager."
If you visit www.youtube.com/coachjudynelson or my website: http://www.coachjudynelson.com/, you will see four new videos that I believe you will find very interesting.
One addresses the familiar issue of managing the underperforming manager. Who hasn't had one? Who hasn't struggled with how to handle him or her?
It's not as difficult to handle an underperforming manager if the individual is cranky, impossible to get along with or unethical. It's extremely difficult, if the individual is a friendly soul or handicapped in some way or in a protected class, i.e., age, gender, life style, race, etc.
Handling the situation of an underperforming manager is NEVER easy. That's particularly true if we haven't followed procedures or best management practices since Day One. So often, we see an issue and let it go because it's too much work to bring it up. Or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Or we're worried that they will cause a scene. And then another concern surfaces and we let that one go, too. Pretty soon, the other staff start to resent the fact that they are being held accountable but not this particular manager. They have to pick up the slack so they work harder and are accountable while the offender does less with no consequences. Bitterness sets in. Irritability surfaces. Team meetings become something that has to be endured. It's the elephant in the room syndrome again.
The first question is obviously, why did we let it go so long? But that's a topic for another day. This video deals with what to do when we finally decide to do something.
There are several issues to deal with before saying anything to the underperforming manager. The first is one that I refer to as "Fix You, First!" The executive needs to make an appointment with her/himself--for at least an hour--uninterrupted, and with the computer and phones OFF. Take a look at yourself. What management style are you modeling? Are you guilty of any of the behaviors or performance that the manager is? Are you sure. Take a good, honest look at yourself.
If you think you are not guilty, how does your staff perceive you in these areas and others? Have you asked for their feedback? When was the last time you had a 360 evaluation? Did you like the results? Have you done anything about the results you didn't like? Did you have the courage to share the results with the people who evaluated you? If not, do it now.
While you're reflecting on your own performance, take a close look at your interpersonal skills-or lack thereof. Are you a yeller? Do you blame others when things go wrong? Do you give feedback to your staff frequently with specific details? How do you show that you value them?
Once you've given attention to your own stuff, and set up a plan of improvement, you may be ready to work on the underperforming manager but not until.
The first step is to review the personnel file and take a look at your last evaluation of this manager. Did you specifically mention the problem behaviors in that review? If not, shame on you! If you did, has there been followup? Change? improvement? Did the manager respond to the evaluation?
Now it's time to set an appointment for a private, uninterrupted talk in a neutral zone--not your office or their office. It is your job and your duty to inform the manager respectfully, directly and specifically what you are concerned about--but about the performance, not the person! Ask the manager for his/her response and suggestions as to what can be done to improve this performance. Tell the individual that it is your goal to help them succeed and ask what they need from you to make the required changes.
Let's stop here so that you can review these concepts to see if they make sense to you. Next time we will delve more into what to do next.
To learn more about what Executive Coaching can do for you, take a few seconds to watch the video below.
If you visit www.youtube.com/coachjudynelson or my website: http://www.coachjudynelson.com/, you will see four new videos that I believe you will find very interesting.
One addresses the familiar issue of managing the underperforming manager. Who hasn't had one? Who hasn't struggled with how to handle him or her?
It's not as difficult to handle an underperforming manager if the individual is cranky, impossible to get along with or unethical. It's extremely difficult, if the individual is a friendly soul or handicapped in some way or in a protected class, i.e., age, gender, life style, race, etc.
Handling the situation of an underperforming manager is NEVER easy. That's particularly true if we haven't followed procedures or best management practices since Day One. So often, we see an issue and let it go because it's too much work to bring it up. Or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Or we're worried that they will cause a scene. And then another concern surfaces and we let that one go, too. Pretty soon, the other staff start to resent the fact that they are being held accountable but not this particular manager. They have to pick up the slack so they work harder and are accountable while the offender does less with no consequences. Bitterness sets in. Irritability surfaces. Team meetings become something that has to be endured. It's the elephant in the room syndrome again.
The first question is obviously, why did we let it go so long? But that's a topic for another day. This video deals with what to do when we finally decide to do something.
There are several issues to deal with before saying anything to the underperforming manager. The first is one that I refer to as "Fix You, First!" The executive needs to make an appointment with her/himself--for at least an hour--uninterrupted, and with the computer and phones OFF. Take a look at yourself. What management style are you modeling? Are you guilty of any of the behaviors or performance that the manager is? Are you sure. Take a good, honest look at yourself.
If you think you are not guilty, how does your staff perceive you in these areas and others? Have you asked for their feedback? When was the last time you had a 360 evaluation? Did you like the results? Have you done anything about the results you didn't like? Did you have the courage to share the results with the people who evaluated you? If not, do it now.
While you're reflecting on your own performance, take a close look at your interpersonal skills-or lack thereof. Are you a yeller? Do you blame others when things go wrong? Do you give feedback to your staff frequently with specific details? How do you show that you value them?
Once you've given attention to your own stuff, and set up a plan of improvement, you may be ready to work on the underperforming manager but not until.
The first step is to review the personnel file and take a look at your last evaluation of this manager. Did you specifically mention the problem behaviors in that review? If not, shame on you! If you did, has there been followup? Change? improvement? Did the manager respond to the evaluation?
Now it's time to set an appointment for a private, uninterrupted talk in a neutral zone--not your office or their office. It is your job and your duty to inform the manager respectfully, directly and specifically what you are concerned about--but about the performance, not the person! Ask the manager for his/her response and suggestions as to what can be done to improve this performance. Tell the individual that it is your goal to help them succeed and ask what they need from you to make the required changes.
Let's stop here so that you can review these concepts to see if they make sense to you. Next time we will delve more into what to do next.
To learn more about what Executive Coaching can do for you, take a few seconds to watch the video below.
Here's to better Managing!
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
www.CoachJudyNelson.com
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