Executive Business Coaching by Judy Nelson JD, MSW, CPC

Coach Judy Nelson Listens to Wendy Lazarus

2009-02-14T16:53:00.001-08:00

Leadership Traits: An Executive Coach Listens

2009-02-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

Choosing the right parents may be a key strategy for leadership! On my web radio talk show this morning, Wendy Lazarus, founder and Co-President of The Children's Partnership discussed the important impact her parents had on who she is and what she has accomplished. She is the second guest in a row and one of many who attribute the environment they grew up in as key to their success.

Wendy said that her parents instilled two critical values in her: one was that she was put on this earth to worry about more than just herself; and second, that she could do anything she wanted to do.

Thinking back on my own upbringing (which was, admittedly, a tad unusual) I received a slightly different message. That was that I could BE anything I wanted to be--as long as it was a lawyer--or at the very least a master's degree in something related. I saw my mother volunteering and helping others as a way of life so I had a role model there. But being what you wanted to be and doing what you wanted to do seem to me to be two very different notions.

When I asked her what was the most memorable moment of her growing up years, she spoke about the time her father, a successful businessman in retail, decided to get involved in a community project to help people get jobs. Wendy, a 9th grader at the time, told her dad that she wanted to help. He said that she was a little young and underqualified but he'd see what he could do. Then he gave her the assignment of cold calling a long list of people to invite to participate in the project. With excitement in her voice, Wendy said that she absolutely loved the experience of people responding to her in this way and that she was actually helping them. Equally or possibly more important was the sense of pride that her father would entrust her with this important responsibility. She said that it was probably the turning point that sent her in the direction of becoming a powerful force for good.

Wendy Lazarus has been more than a powerful force for good in the world. She started right out of graduate school when she was hired by Marian Wright Edelman, founder of The Children's Defense Fund. That was followed by her energetic work with Children Now to promote health care for children. And today with The Children's Partnership, she focuses both on health care and making technology accessible for "children at risk of being left behind."

So much of what Wendy believes is integral to effective leadership is incorporated in my philosophy both in executive coaching and in leadership training. It's always exciting to talk with someone who agrees with you!

It was a joy to interview this dynamic, creative dynamo with such a wonderful sense of purpose and humor.

www.coachjudynelson.com

Wendy Lazarus, The Children's Partnership: An Executive Leader Who Models Effective Leadership

2009-02-14T11:52:00.000-08:00

Wendy Lazarus is a "warrior" for kids. The Children's Partnership, an organization she founded and is co-president of, is her weapon and she uses it with skill and aplomb. The target? The broad targeet is children at risk of being left behind, according to the organization's mission.
The strategies in this ambitious battle include focusing on the availability of the basics for kids: health care, education and technology. You can hear my fun interview with Wendy on my website, www.CoachJudyNelson.com and also on this site. I guarantee you will learn a lot about leadership, about children's issues and about a passionate and highly effective advocate for children.

Next week I on blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson, I will be speaking with Tammy McCleod, Chief Customer Officer for Arizona Public Service--another executive with well-honed leadership qualities and a vision for the future.

For information on why you can't afford NOT to have a coach during these difficult times, visit my website, www.coachjudynelson.com or call me, 877.yesJudy.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
www.coachjudynelson.com

BlogTalkRadio Share Show Widget

2008-08-30T10:27:00.001-07:00

Personal Coaching Client reveals "The Most Important Things I learned Thus Far..."

2008-08-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

As an Executive Coach, I have become both a teacher and hopefully, a successful practitioner of the art and science of Feedback. However, it's rare for most coaches to receive unsolicited feedback in written form from a client.

Sara (not her real name) wrote to me this morning about "The Most Important Things I Learned Thus Far...," describing the insights she developed over the first year of our coaching relationship. I want to thank her for this thoughtful and unusual gift.

In this series, I will explore each item on her list in depth, to comment and expand on her thinking. The embellishments will be mine alone. The goal is to give others an unusual look into the world of personal coaching and what can be gained.

Below is the list she provided: (To protect her confidentiality, I have changed identifying information.)

The Most Important Things I Learned Thus Far From Judy

Be interested rather than trying to be interesting.

“Small Talk” is really “Big Talk” that is important to the needs of relationships.

When we get a negative response from someone it usually isn’t “about us.”

Stress makes people stupid.

Be gracious at work at all times.

Making a “stupid mistake” doesn’t mean that I’m a “stupid person.”

I may be intimidating to some people by my tone of voice and formality. I need to make a point of being less formal.

“Dress-down day at work doesn’t mean dressing like I’m going to be working in the garden.

I can soften my appearance by mixing and matching outfits rather than wearing suits everyday.

(I could also wear makeup every day but don’t want to bother with it!)

Meditation is a good way to relax and rejuvenate. (Unfortunately I stopped when I got the puppy.)

Using a labeler and keeping files in order is extremely helpful.

It would be good to compliment people when they do a good job, just as many people are doing to me here.

The goal of calling a [a prospect] is simply to find out if there is a match.

If someone I call ... is unpleasant, it isn’t about me because they don’t know me.

View Vice Presidents or wealthy people ... as being like our Vice President or my millionaire friend...

I should just tell myself before a call to [a new prospect] that even though I may feel very intimidated, once I get into the call I usually relax and do very well.

Most Important Ones Are #1 and #2.

Footnote from Judy: I am pleased to report that Sara has "graduated" from coaching and decided to take a break--"because I learned what I set out to do." However, I am on call to her for emergencies and she indicated that she may want a "refresher" sometime down the road.

The next article will start with far from original but important idea of "be interested rather than trying to be interesting."

Until next time,

Judy
Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://coachjudynelson.com/

To order your advanced copy of my new book, "Leading the Way to Success," with co-authors Jack Canfield, James Kouzes and Warren Bennis: orders@coachjudynelson.com.

Check out this brief video about Executive Coaching or the others on my website.

Managing the Underperforming Manager, cont'd

2008-07-03T08:05:00.001-07:00

I've been talking about how to deal with the Underperforming Manager. Last time I emphasized the need to be direct about the problem and that it is essential to make certain that the manager in question actually knows there is a problem, specifically what it is and the clear, measurable steps needed to correct the problem.

Perhaps the most basic question at this point is, what do you do or say once you have them in your office?

First of all, maybe your office isn't the best place to have the conversation. Let's look at what you're trying to accomplish. Your absolute first goal must be, "Make It Safe." In order to hear feedback that is negative (and sometimes positive!,) the manager must feel emotionally safe enough to be able to hear what is being said.

We've all been in stressful situations where afterwards, we can't remember a thing that was said to us. That conversation with a doc about a serious diagnosis, the time a teacher corrected you in front of the whole class or the time as a child when you were caught doing something you shouldn't. To fully understand this concept, it helps to think about reptiles or at least what is known as the "reptillian brain." In high school biology, we all learned about the basic, primitive response of all mammals for flight or fight when under stress. In nonscientific terms, what actually happens is that when we are under a real or perceived threat, our bodies prepare us for survival, i.e., either fight and destroy the aggressor or run for your life. When the stress is perceived, the first thing that happens for us as it did for dinosaurs, is a flood of adrenaline--the juice that fuels our ability to attack or take off. The rush of adrenaline triggers the brain to increase blood flow to our big muscles or arms and legs to be ready for either fight or flight.

Where does the extra blood come from? It leaves the brain to go to the most needy site. I repeat, it leaves the brain. The rest is obvious. When we perceive a threat, real or imagined, we have less blood in the place we need the most: the brain. Thus those blank moments, the stutter, the inability to express ourselves and the panic. What do we do? We either get withdraw and say nothing, or we become angry, verbally attack, fling wicked sarcasm or cast aspersions on someone's mother. Result? Disaster, in our marriages, our relatonships with our children and in our jobs.

I will elaborate on this further in the future because it is such a critical concept for all relationships in every aspect of our lives. The good news is that disaster is not inevitable. Our reptillian brains have evolved and developed the capacity for reason. And we do have control, if we consciously choose to.

How? To grossly simplify an extremely complex process, we do what our moms constantly told us. "Stop and think before you speak." She also said that when you cross the street, "stop, look and listen." Boy, were our moms smart! She had the formula for the most complicated and critical aspect of building and maintaining relationships--the essence of effective management and leadership.

What is that? 1. Stop. Recognize the signals your body is giving you that you are under stress and put your hand over your mouth. Figuratively, of course. Literally if you must. 2. Look. Examine the situation. What is happening? What assumptions are you making? What is happening with the other person? 3. Listen. What is the other person trying to say? What is your brain telling you (self talk) that may be true or not true. (If being reprimanded, is it possible that you were wrong?) and then there is the 4th one that Mom didn't include but probably just assumed we knew! 4. Ask. Ask yourself questions to start that blood flowing back to your brain? "What can I do to avoid disaster here?" "What am I missing?" "What are my options?" And most basic of all, "What do I really want from this relationship?"

The answer to the basic question of what do I really want from this relationship? Well, if it's a marriage and you want to stay married and have a happier marriage, there's your answer. Will the sarcasm, angry retorts or aspersions help you toward that goal? Again, the answer is clear.

If it's your boss, the answer should also be apparent. Most of us want to keep our jobs, get better at what we do and have a harmonious relationship with our boss. The same is true with our coworkers. It's even true for that stupid teller who screwed up your account. What do you really want? You want a good relationship with the bank so that you can get the services you need. Yelling at the teller may feel good for the moment but does it get you what you really want? And, is that the kind of person you want to be?

When it comes to your underperforming manager, ask yourself what you really want? Isn't it improved performance? Are you going to get that by yelling at the person, or attacking their character? Of course not. How will you get them to work harder and smarter? Through safe conversations or dialogues that allow the individual to join with you in thinking about what is needed to make the change. Of course, there's more to it than that. But without that safe conversation--or rather, series of safe conversations--you will get zero improvement. You might even get worse performance because of the negative emotions you have stirred up.

To summarize, before you meet with that manager, you have a whole lot of self reflection to do. Since having a frank conversation with a direct report stirs up some stress for you, what is your reaction to stress? How do you normally react when your chain is pulled or you feel anxious. Start to anticipate those emotions and behaviors and start training yourself to react in a more effective way. How? Stop. Look. Listen. Ask.

Is this done over night? Of course, not. What it takes is also what mom told you when you were attempting something new: practice, practice, practice. The same is true when you are trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. True, it feels a little silly at times, because what you're doing is talking to yourself. The fact is that you always talk to yourself. What do you call it? Your inner voice? self talk? interior dialogue? The Critic? Whatever your name for it, we all have a running script in our heads. If left alone, it will continue to pour out the negatives. And you will continue to act on them. "What you think is what you do." Can't remember offhand who said that, but our growing knowledge of how the brain works, makes that a scientifically-proven statement.

We'll continue this discussion of how to improve the performance of the underperforming manager. Think about all the implications and let me know your experience and thoughts.

Best,

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/

New video: Managing the Underperforming Manager

2008-06-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

"Managing the Underperforming Manager."

If you visit www.youtube.com/coachjudynelson or my website: http://www.coachjudynelson.com/, you will see four new videos that I believe you will find very interesting.

One addresses the familiar issue of managing the underperforming manager. Who hasn't had one? Who hasn't struggled with how to handle him or her?

It's not as difficult to handle an underperforming manager if the individual is cranky, impossible to get along with or unethical. It's extremely difficult, if the individual is a friendly soul or handicapped in some way or in a protected class, i.e., age, gender, life style, race, etc.

Handling the situation of an underperforming manager is NEVER easy. That's particularly true if we haven't followed procedures or best management practices since Day One. So often, we see an issue and let it go because it's too much work to bring it up. Or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Or we're worried that they will cause a scene. And then another concern surfaces and we let that one go, too. Pretty soon, the other staff start to resent the fact that they are being held accountable but not this particular manager. They have to pick up the slack so they work harder and are accountable while the offender does less with no consequences. Bitterness sets in. Irritability surfaces. Team meetings become something that has to be endured. It's the elephant in the room syndrome again.

The first question is obviously, why did we let it go so long? But that's a topic for another day. This video deals with what to do when we finally decide to do something.

There are several issues to deal with before saying anything to the underperforming manager. The first is one that I refer to as "Fix You, First!" The executive needs to make an appointment with her/himself--for at least an hour--uninterrupted, and with the computer and phones OFF. Take a look at yourself. What management style are you modeling? Are you guilty of any of the behaviors or performance that the manager is? Are you sure. Take a good, honest look at yourself.

If you think you are not guilty, how does your staff perceive you in these areas and others? Have you asked for their feedback? When was the last time you had a 360 evaluation? Did you like the results? Have you done anything about the results you didn't like? Did you have the courage to share the results with the people who evaluated you? If not, do it now.

While you're reflecting on your own performance, take a close look at your interpersonal skills-or lack thereof. Are you a yeller? Do you blame others when things go wrong? Do you give feedback to your staff frequently with specific details? How do you show that you value them?

Once you've given attention to your own stuff, and set up a plan of improvement, you may be ready to work on the underperforming manager but not until.

The first step is to review the personnel file and take a look at your last evaluation of this manager. Did you specifically mention the problem behaviors in that review? If not, shame on you! If you did, has there been followup? Change? improvement? Did the manager respond to the evaluation?

Now it's time to set an appointment for a private, uninterrupted talk in a neutral zone--not your office or their office. It is your job and your duty to inform the manager respectfully, directly and specifically what you are concerned about--but about the performance, not the person! Ask the manager for his/her response and suggestions as to what can be done to improve this performance. Tell the individual that it is your goal to help them succeed and ask what they need from you to make the required changes.

Let's stop here so that you can review these concepts to see if they make sense to you. Next time we will delve more into what to do next.

To learn more about what Executive Coaching can do for you, take a few seconds to watch the video below.

Here's to better Managing!

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
www.CoachJudyNelson.com

Using 360 Results for executive growth and development

2008-06-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

How Executives Benefit from Executive Coaching.

In the last 3 blogs, I've been talking about the benefits I received from Executive Coaching over nearly three decades. I've written about the psyche-saving gift of "the paid ear"--an experienced, knowledgeable fellow-professional, outside of the organization with the ability to "listen extremely." I described listening extremely as the ultimate ability to give 1000% attention to another person without judgment or time spent trying to figure out how to respond. Extreme listening also requires listening, not only to understand, but to look for connections and what is not said. Those with this skill are a rare breed indeed. Once found, however, can be the ultimate gift.

In the second blog, I described the value of personal accountability--that is, the coach--with my permission--holds me accountable for the actions I have decided I want to do. This is another vital aspect of executive coaching. When one gets to the level of CEO, only Board members hold the CEO accountable (or at least that's what they're supposed to do)--and that is for achieving the broader goals of the organization. The coach helps the executive be accountable both for concrete goals and for process goals--the tool by which the concrete goals get accomplished.

Next I spoke about the critical nature of candid, caring feedback. Here is another rarity in the life of a CEO. Boards are often fearful of giving feedback to their executive. Some Boards are not caring and give plenty of feedback, mostly negative. What is growth-inducing is objective feedback provided in an atmosphere that creates emotional safety--the only way anyone can hear criticism as an opportunity to move closer to personal excellence.

In the blog about feedback, I mentioned the use of the "360 evaluation" or multi-rater feedback--and what a gift it can be when done correctly. Today I want to talk a little about the 360's I have been part of and offer some observations that might be useful to others considering giving or receiving a 360. (A growing number of organizations are making the 360 mandatory.)

Over the years, I have been evaluated by multiple people and in multiple ways. The best requires a repetition of what I said earlier: the only way that people benefit from evaluation, i.e., feedback about your performance, is when it is objective, nonpersonal (i.e., a critique of your work, not of you as a person) and provided in an atmosphere of emotional safety.

Not all of mine were done that way. The ones that were changed my life--or at least the way I managed my life. However, there were some that made me change not only my behavior but my perceptions and my attitude.

One in particular stands out and still makes me uncomfortable to think about. I was a very young graduate student with a placement in an inner city health department. Looking back, I must have been a total pain to be around because I knew everything there was to know about anything. Arrogance is way too mild a term.

On my second day of this internship, I was asked to draft a letter to the director describing a project that had been assigned to me. After writing it out by hand, I gave it to the elderly secretary to type for me. When I read her typed letter, I exploded. There were four typos, including the spelling of the name of the director! I stomped down the hall to her office and read her the riot act in front of three other secretaries. I'm still too embarrassed to repeat my exact words.

Five minutes later, a loud voice called out, "Mrs. Nelson. In my office. Now." It was my supervisor who it was rumored, "ate ground glass for breakfast." I assumed everyone was exaggerating because she had been very cordial to me. However, I hotfooted it to her office. Without looking up from the papers on her desk, she said, "come in and sit down."

After what seemed like hours, she looked up and said, "Were you thinking of graduating? she asked in a flat tone, her face like stone.

"Well, of course," I said.

"Well," she said. "That's not going to happen--Unless you make some dramatic changes in your behavior. If I ever hear you talk to anyone again like you did to Mrs. V. just now, I will see to it that you don't graduate from this school or any other. Is that clear?"

When I didn't respond immediately, she repeated herself. "I said, 'is that clear?'"

Too stunned to think straight, I stammered a "yyyyes" to which she replied, "Good. Now go home. Think about this incident and tomorrow by 8 a.m., I want your plan of correction on my desk. And, a formal apology to Mrs. V. By the way, did you know that she was diagnosed with cancer two days ago? Or that she is the sole caretaker for her quadriplegic son?"

When I started to reply, she said with disgust, "Just go home," and went back to her papers.

To this day, when I get annoyed with anyone, I can hear that supervisor's voice in my ear and I re-experience the shame I felt that day. To my knowledge, I have never spoken to a fellow employee like that since that day.

What crucial lesson did I learn? First, that basic respect is the real bottom line. And second, that the absolute key to being an effective manager and leader is positive relationships. Peter Drucker said it best: "A manager's job is relationships--upwards, downwards and sideways."

P.S. After receiving my diploma two years later, the first ones to greet me with hugs and flowers were my supervisor and Mrs. V.

What lessons have you learned along the way? I would love to hear from you. If you're interested in purchasing my new book, "Leading the Way to Success," with my distinguished co-authors including Warren Bennis, Jack Canfield of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" fame and James Kouzes, email Orders@coachjudynelson.com. To learn more about the book and my coaching practice, go to http://www.coachjudynelson.com/. To see my videos on management, leadership and executive coaching, try www.youtube.com/coachjudynelson. And, to listen to some exciting interviews about "Leading the Way to Success," check out blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson and click on "Archived Segments."

Thanks for reading!

Best,

Judy

Judy Nelson JD, MSW
Certified Executive Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
877.937.5839 (877. yesJudy)

Part 3: How Nonprofit Executives Utilize an Executive Coach

2008-06-03T17:01:00.001-07:00

In the last segment, I discussed how an Executive Coach can help hold you accountable. Today I want to talk about a tool that coach's use called a "360" or a "multi-rater" assessment. Essentially, that means getting anonymous, confidential feedback from a variety of co-workers including direct reports, peers, managers and "other" (i.e., volunteers, Board members, community leaders, etc.)

The most common vehicle is an on-line assessment that takes the reviewer less than 15 minutes to complete. The person being reviewed also assesses her/himself--and usually gets back a summary of responses either instantly or within 24 hours. When the other reports are submitted, the individual being tested receives a comprehensive report describing and detailing the feedback, comparing self scores with both the average score of all reviewers plus individual reviewers scores. Most systems use charts to portray the information visually as well as in tables.

Because 360's are becoming institutionalized, there are multiple tools available both online and off. Caution is advised if you are considering using the 360 process--not only related to the instrument but even more important, the expertise of the person reporting the results.

Ideally, that person would be a trained executive coach. Why not have HR do it? Because successful change is more apt to happen with a trusted, trained outsider than an in-house, paid professional who reports to the CEO. "Everybody tells their best friend," my psychiatrist husband likes to say. Unfortunately, in some organizations, confidentiality is not as sacred as presented.

One concern is that in some circles, 360 assessments have become the "in" thing to do. Poorly handled assessments that include feedback from colleagues can be threatening and destructive. Poorly used assessments means that after the interpretation, the assessment results are placed in a drawer (much like some strategic plans!) never to be thought about again.

I have had several 360 experiences. Next time I will discuss those in detail in terms of what I learned and what I did with the information.

Best,

Judy

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
877.yesJudy (877.937-5839)
Order your copy of "Leading the Way to Success," with my co-authors Warren Bennis and Jack Canfield.

Part 2: How Nonprofit Executives Use an Executive Coach, cont'd

2008-06-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

In the first segment of the discussion on "How Nonprofit Executives Use an Executive Coach,"
I talked about my own experience of having a coach for most of the 30 years I was a nonprofit CEO.

I began the list of the most important benefits I received from coaching with #1: Sounding Board or "Hired Ear." The second and equally critical benefit I received was Personal and Professional Accountability. There's something magic about the act of making a commitment to another person, particularly when they are an intellectual match AND your are paying them! Unless you are very unique, you have experienced disappointment in yourself when you didn't keep a commitment you made to you. New Year's resolutions are the most obvious.

However, I believe that this process of what is essentially good intentions unfulfilled is like a progressive disease. After awhile, there is a self-fulfilling prophecy: when you intend to do something and know ahead of time that it probably won't happen, guess what? It doesn't happen!

When you make that commitment to your coach, including a specific date and reporting process, something gets triggered that makes you follow through. Whether it's guilt if you don't or embarrassment or whatever, your inclination is to keep the commitment. And when you make commitments week after month after year, it not only becomes a habit but you actually increase your productivity dramatically.

With the candid feedback of your coach, you also perform in a more self-aware and intentional manner. In other words, you reduce the unintended effects of language--both verbal and body--that can reduce or eliminate any hope of achieving your goals.

Coaching with a trained and experienced professional (see my bio: http://www.coachingjudynelson.com/,) is the best strategy I know to help a manager and aspiring leader to mature emotionally and professionally in a safe but challenging environment.

Of course there are other tools that can enhance this process. Next time I'll talk about a third coaching strategy that I found extremely helpful: the anonymous and confidential "360" or multi-rater assessment by colleagues, managers and direct reports. When interpreted by a trained coach and with mutually established goals, the impact can be astounding.

Much of what I am addressing is related to the concepts of "Emotionally-Intelligent Management." That is the title of my chapter in a new book entitled, "Leading the Way to Success." My co-authors include management guru, Warren Bennis and Jack Canfield of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" fame! To reserve your copy: Orders@CoachJudyNelson.com.

Best,

Judy

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
www.blogtalkradio.com/coachjudynelson

How Do Nonprofit Executives Use an Executive Coach?

2008-06-01T12:52:00.000-07:00

After 30 years experience as a CEO and having my own coach most of those years, I've learned a lot about the art of coaching a nonprofit CEO. To specifically answer the question of how nonprofit executives use an executive coach, it makes sense to start this discussion with my own experience.

Very quickly after I became a CEO/Executive Director for the first time, I knew that I was in over my head and that I needed help. I reached out to several colleagues who provided resources, consultation and referrals that were extremely helpful. (For my bio, visit http://www.coachjudynelson.com/.)

In my second stint as CEO, it became rapidly apparent that I needed more than just a variety of colleagues to assist me. I was in a new state, a new county, a city, a new neighborhood--and a new job that required an intimate understanding of state and county regulations and systems. It was also so big that a GPS was absolutely vital--only GPS was not invented back then! Very quickly I knew that if I didn't have some personal support, I wasn't going to make it.

To my great good fortune, I was referred to an experienced human resources expert who was freelancing. From the moment we said "hello," on the phone, I knew I had found someone I could talk to. After our first face-to-face meeting, I knew that I could trust her completely--and, that she was not only an intense listener but someone who could help me translate an abundance of creative thoughts into strategic action.

Since that time, I have never been without a coach, including now as an Executive Coach and Management Relationship Trainer. (More information about my services at http://www.coachjudynelson/.)

The relationship with my first coach (although she never called herself that) lasts to this day although the formal connection ended when she changed her career focus over 15 years ago. Since then I have engaged four other coaches with different strengths and experience--and learned valuable new skills and insights from each.

There are several coaching techniques that I personally found extremely helpful. Today I will discuss the first technique, one that I found invaluable.

1) Sounding Board (or a "hired ear")
The art of what I call "extreme listening" is a talent and expertise rarely found in either the business or nonprofit worlds. The coach skilled in extreme listening actually does what all the books say about listening and much more: paying full and undivided attention; listening to understand, never to judge; integrating body language, emotions, tone and pitch of voice; asking strategic questions at the right time; incorporating context and timing issues; interrupting only to clarify--and most of all, providing truthful, objective feedback--the good, the bad and the ugly--but with a caring and respectful demeanor.

A CEO of any organization gets occasional (or worse, constant!) uncaring, negative feedback from employees--if she/he gets any feedback at all, other than the covert signals sent out by those who are disgruntled. What a CEO rarely, if ever, gets is caring but unvarnished truth about his/her behaviors, attitude, style or performance.

In those times when I have not had a coach available to listen extremely, I'm confident that my work suffered because of the lack of a bright, knowledgeable and attuned kindred spirit to not only listen but to reflect with me and challenge non strategic thinking.

Next time, I will discuss the second aspect of coaching that was so vital to me: Personal Accountability.

I welcome your response and ideas on this subject either here or to Judy@CoachJudyNelson.com.

Best,

Judy

http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
Judy@coachjudynelson.com
Tollfree: 877.yesJudy (877-937.5839)

Why Have a Coach?

2008-05-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm an expert to answer the question of "Why Have a Coach?" I have had various coaches for nearly all of my thirty years as a CEO. And, I have one now. I wouldn't be without a Coach.

Why? Because in my long and varied career, I have made a lot of good decisions and a lot of bad decisions. The bad decisions were usually made on my own, without running them by a neutral, trusted, bright and capable "hired ear." In my relatively new career as an Executive Coach (www.CoachJudyNelson.com), I am paid to listen to executives who are highly successful but clearly aware that they can't be objective about their own ideas amd thoughts. I am there to listen, to observe, to give feedback when invited, and to ask key questions that will enable the executive to think out loud, consider the barriers and options and to come to a rational and reasoned decision.

If you're an executive searching for a trusted ear, I'm available! Visit my website, www.CoachJudyNelson.com or call me at 877.yesJudy (877.937-5839.)

"Stop Apologizing and Start Sweating!"

2008-05-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

It was my turn to serve again. I threw the ball up in the air, swung and missed. Again.

"I'm so sorry," I said. Again.

My opponent rolled her eyes, walked towards the net and waved me over. "Stop apologizing and start sweating!" she said in a shriller than usual voice.

"You never apologize in tennis. But you do run your butt off, and you have to sweat!" She handed me the ball and stomped back to her place on the court.

At first I was angry. What right did she have to talk to me like that? Then, I was embarrassed. And then...well, I guess I was energized. I ran back to the service line, threw the ball high up in the air and made a not-too-bad legal serve. She hit it back--out of bounds.

That was many years ago but I've never forgotten the lesson. If you're going to be treated as competent, you have to act like you are competent. The lesson applies to everything in life, but especially to leaders.

In my executive coaching practice (http://www.coachjudynelson.com/) I encounter this issue with a large number of my clients. For some, the issue is relatively minor. For others, they "wear their feelings [of inadequacy] on their sleeve."

What is the impact of coworkers and direct report of a manager who is constantly apologizing? What about the manager who actually tells people that she/he feels insecure? Think about a speaker who came to the podium and opened with, "I'm so nervous I can't think straight," or "I apologize for not being as prepared as I would have liked..." etc? The result? Disaster! No one will perceive that person as an expert.

Many of the trainings I do (www.coachjudynelson.com/seminars) involve the way that executive team members relate to each other. Often, the most de-energizing person is the one with low self esteem who virtually (or actually!) announces it. She may be constantly looking for reassurance. Co-workers then feel compelled to reassure, sometimes ad nauseum. Relating to such an individual becomes strained and is something to be avoided. Such a situation doesn't do much for building a team or for enhancing team collaboration and effectiveness.

"Fake it until you make it," is a familiar quote when discussing this kind of situation. But what does it take for the insecure individual to a. believe that? and b. summon up the courage to "act as if...?

One of the ways individuals can make this quantum leap, i.e., to act as if they feel confident, is to utilize the services of an executive coach. In a totally confidential and supportive environment, a coach can be the perfect partner to help a less-than-totally secure manager take the necessary steps to change other's perceptions about him.

In my 30 years as a CEO of different organizations in various parts of the county, I learned a lot about my building my own confidence and how to assist others to develop theirs.

If you're interested in learning more about executive coaching or management-relationship training from a seasoned pro, visit my website, http://www.coachjudynelson.com/.

Judy Nelson, JD, MSW
Certified Professional Coach
http://www.coachjudynelson.com/
Judy@CoachJudyNelson.com
877-yesJudy (877-937-5839)

Emotional Intelligence as a leadership, management tool

2008-03-05T10:20:00.000-08:00

In the next month I will be conducting three management retreats on "Emotionally Intelligent Management," and the preparation is stirring up a lot of old and new insights about leadership and management.

For those who are not familiar with Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) as it's referred to, here's a brief introduction. Emotional intelligence is one of the many intelligences described by Howard Gardner in the last quarter of the last century. It is not the same as I.Q. or emotional intelligence. In fact, far from it as EQ obviously deals with emotions and feelings, not intellect. However, there are definite crossovers which I'll address in later posts. For now suffice it to say that IQ is the tip of the iceberg in terms of the way we relate to other people. EQ is the hidden part of the iceberg and it is gigantic.

Why "emotionally intelligent management?" Peter Drucker, the internationally renowned and brilliant management guru said, "Management IS relationships--upwards, downwards, sideways." (emphasis mine) After 30 years managing people in various settings, I couldn't agree more. Think about it. How could you manage anyone if you didn't have at least a partially positive relationship with them. The answer is that you could not.

So what does that have to do with emotional intelligence. Improving your EQ is the most effective way to build, improve and maintain positive relationships! It's the key to effective management and a growing body of research agrees. In other words, can you afford not to know about EQ and to practice it?

Don't need yet another management fad? This is neither a fad nor a new management philosophy. Emotionally intelligent management is a way of thinking and living that can make the difference between a manager's success or failure, whether a manager becomes a successful leader or not--and whether anything gets accomplished towards the bottom line. The research show that the bottom line is dramatically improved with an increase in emotional intelligence of the employees! It is not some "touchy-feely" solution of the month. It works.

How do I know? In my intensive training as a professional coach, I learned that the intuitive practices I had been using as a part of my management style for many years embrace most of the EQ concepts. I just didn't know it had a name. For most of my career I was a "coaching manager/leader!." On my website, www.coachjudynelson.com, you will see a long list of testimonials from the people I have managed and coached. I have had the great pleasure of watching these and many others grow and develop, in part because of the emotionally intelligent management techniques that I was using. Would they have been successful without me? No doubt. But I believe all of them will tell you that they are much more successful now that they are more in charge of their emotions.

Before going any deeper, here are the four basic elements that constitute E.Q.: self-awareness or insight; self-management; social awareness or empathy; and, the point of it all--relationship management. Next time I will begin to define each of the four elements of emotional intelligence with some poignant, funny and powerful examples of how it works--or doesn't.

In the meantime, don't forget to tune into my web radio interview show for executives and managers every Saturday morning, 9:30-9:45 PST to hear some very bright and interesting people share their views on "what makes the world and organizations tick!" www.blogtalkradio/coachjudynelson

Finally, if you or someone you know is interested in executive coaching, please visit my website, www.coachjudynelson.com and contact me. Doing this could shorten the distance between you and the ultimate success you are striving for.

Judy

New Beginnings for Emerging Leaders

2008-03-05T03:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been over nine months since my last post. I've been busy carefully crafting trainings in effective people development, expanding my coaching practice and enjoying life life I never knew was possible. In addition, I have a new web radio interview show that is adding to the joy of being an executive coach. More about that later!

From now on, I expect this to be a daily post, my first task each morning. While my goal is to share some of the wisdom I've gained over the years, it will also be a great way for me to start the day.

To be continued!

Judy

If I knew then...Can't we learn to figure it out sooner?

2007-07-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

Judy Nelson, MSW, JD

Certified Professional Coach

http://www.coachjudynelson.com/

phone: 877.YesJudy

Welcome to the first edition of the blog, Executive Coaching Reflections.

Thank you for your interest in "Executive Coaching Reflections." If you are an executive in mental limbo about your future with thoughts of "is this all there is?" I think you will relate to this blog. Hopefully, you may even find a toehold for revisiting those goals and dreams that have gotten sidetracked and neglected. If you have started reviving those dreams, I hope you can help others who are feeling stuck.

Several of my Executing Coaching clients have asked me what I learned from being a CEO for thirty years. I thought I would use this space to try to articulate some of those lessons-- both for my own growth and development --but also to encourage other "seasoned" leaders/managers who have thoughts to share about their own search for wisdom.

Of course, the first lesson learned is that the search for wisdom is, fortunately, a never-ending journey. The second lesson is that the secret, if there is one, is that you are the travel agent, the aviation mechanic and the pilot. While I did not choose where I landed on this planet, the only one responsible for determining where I went from there is, of course, me.

I can hear your skepticism already. "We all know that. What else is new?"

We all may "know" that but why in the world does it take so many of us years, decades to figure it out? Sure it's the same "if I only knew then what I know now..." routine, but the more I reflect on my life and career, the more it's clear: it shouldn't have to take thirty years!

It's not that I've found the fountain of wisdom and can sit here and hand out solution cocktails to whoever will listen. In fact, the more I discover what I don't know (and thought I did) about leadership, management and personal growth, the more humble I become.

Allow me to provide some brief context. If you read my website, http://www.coachjudynelson.com/, you already know that I came to Executive Coaching with a master's degree in human services and a law degree. After a fabulous career that took me to Canada, Virginia, Kansas and California, it was time to explore new horizons and a life without 3+ hours a day on the freeway. I retired in 2006 to discover and launch a second career.

I had no idea how exciting my life was going to become. Oh, I knew that I would revel in not having the stress of being the CEO. But I wasn't prepared for the highs of having time to discover what had passed me by. I thought I had read every management book out there and had a fairly good handle on past and current theories of leadership, stewardship and whatever the latest guru was promoting. I was so wrong.

In addition to being able to read and study the most well-researched management theories and techniques, I also had time to compare and contrast the techniques I had used over the years. On top of that I acquired exceptional training, requiring at least a master's degree, to become a certified professional coach (through the College of Executive Coaching,) I learned that the style of leadership/management I had been using through the years was intuitely based on what is now called "emotional intelligence." Through the study and training, I acquired the terms and philosophy to desecrube what my leadership style; in addition, I gained considerable knowledge in how to be more effective--and more emotionally intelligent. In the process, I discovered that as an Executive Coach and trainer in leadership development, I could apply all of the skills in knowledge to assist others to shorten their knowledge journey.

In the next Blog post, I will talk about Emotional Intelligence, how it links with all phases of management and give case examples of the power of this tool. Now, let me hear from you!

Best regards,

Judy